Reflection
by Hino Sakura
Summary: Taikoubou's thought of Outenkun before and after the merge. Complete. Please read and review
1. Taikoubou

Disclaimer: The manga Houshin Engi and its characters belong to Fujisaki Ryu.

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**Taikoubou's POV**

I hate you.

It's kind of silly and childish, I know, but who will not hate the person who killed their beloveds? You made my friends killed, and the others who aren't are lost their beloved too. Is there even one reason for me to not hate you?

But the funniest part is that you are me and I am you.

You are a part of me and I am a part of you. We are our selves but yet, we're also one self. Because we are one, all I did and all you did are my– our– responsibility. My friends, your 'friends', the people who once respected me and the people who once respected you. My memories of being 'me' and your memories of being 'you'. All blurred into one, into me– into us.

Actually I feel a bit sorry for you; your life is harder than mine. Being traded with Youzen and trapped in a jail very near with youkais, cursing all day. Your soul even became broken again, that time into three, thanks to your 'mother'. Well, I am a part of your broken soul too, but I don't have the memories of your life so it's really hard for me to believe that we're one and the same. But remembering how tricky you are, maybe it's true after all.

But you killed my companions, my friends. So I still hate you. But you're me, and I know that it's unfair for me to think of you too selfishly like that.

My mind understands that what you've done is not a wrong thing to do, but my heart didn't want to understand. Well, as Taikoubou, I used my heart to decide on my actions, while you used only your mind. That's why you always got the results faster than me–with a lot more victims, I know. But it can't be dodged. Someone said that if we want to get a result, there must be something we give in exchange. I've tried my best to suppress the casualties, and it's really a hard work.

But now, after the merge that made me understand fully about you, the only thing I hope is just for the-feeling-of-wanting-to-help-and-keep-other-people-safe will still being kept within my– your– our– mind and heart.

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I apologize for all mistakes I made. Please review and let me know what you think.

I made this some years ago (in Indonesian language, of course; that time I still got 6,5 for my English subject at school) and translate it into English some days ago. I've read **Mirror Mirror** by **Joydrop** and **Mirror Image** by **Snarf** a month ago and I think they're beautiful. And it made me remember of this fic I made years ago. I apologize, I didn't copy the idea, I made this fic before I know about ffn. If any of you thinks that I mustn't set this fic here (or if you accuse me for lying and just making excuses, but no, I'm not), tell me and I'll delete this fic.

And please don't kill me! I'm too young to die! -run away and prays every ten steps-

To be continued...?


	2. Outenkun

Disclaimer: The manga Houshin Engi and its characters belong to Fujisaki Ryu.

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**Outenkun's POV**

I hate you and I know that you hate me too, but since you're a part of me, I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

But every time I see your face, I can't help but to be angry at myself and my ridiculous fate. Why you? Why not me? You're me and I'm you. You're my reflection and I'm your reflection. But you always get the good part! You got friends you can believe. You got companions that fight alongside you. Friends that see you as you are, friends that trust you with all they have.

Truth to be told, I envy you. We are the same person but yet, your life is so much easier and prettier than me. At least, you never be frightened to be eaten by creatures that a lot stronger than you. Yeah, that time I was still a human with no weapon, trying hard to remain sane in a dark, quiet jail. Well, maybe not so quiet if you count youkais' hungry whispers and giggles as noises.

And I'm tired, very tired. I want to stop being Outenkun. I want to be Ou Eki. I want to be a human again. Or anything, except youkai I've been tied with for all these years.

I thanked Dakki for saved me. She help me got out of my little box called sanity. And the heart I no longer needed was left behind in that darkness, away from reality. And about my soul, well, she made me experience death for two times. And, hey, because of that I'm still alive 'till now, though she didn't know about the last piece of me. And now, that last piece, you, will be mine again.

And why must I remember that kind of things now?! Damn! I don't care about past–mine and yours. What I want is simply just become whole. You're dead, _yeah,_ you are, so you have no choice but to merge with me. Aah, I guess this is what I want from first. No need for revenge and such, I know what I am and there's no way for me to turn back. What I needed to do is just walk forward and wait for you. And I did, so the chance came. You're dead. And your wandering soul who wants to complete the project desperately needs a body. My body.

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So yeah, we merged. And turned into something we don't know, I mean forgotten. So this is me. I am whole. _Finally_. Back to whom I really am.

It's all thanks to you is us is me.

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I apologize for all mistakes I made. Please review and let me know what you think.

To be continued?


	3. Fukki

Disclaimer: The manga Houshin Engi and its characters belong to Fujisaki Ryu.

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**Last Part, Fukki**

Who am I?

_Am I Fukki? One of the first beings who sealed Jyoka with my other three companions? The __being who lived with them before, and found another planet called Earth to live in?_

For me, Fukki is my past where I lived happily with my beloved companions and our leader, Jyoka. But it's a really far past, and even though I've tried so many times to forget it, I can't, and I mustn't. Because I'm the only one who can stop Jyoka after my other companions–who didn't believe me that someday Jyoka will wake up and get her revenge–merged with the _Earth_.

_Am I Ou Eki? The one who __gave the idea of the Houshin project to eliminate Jyoka? The one who played as the disciple of the Konron Mountains' head master?_

And Ou Eki is a disguise to fool Jyoka. I use the body and appearance of a human, and trained as a doushi under Genshi Tenson. What I want was simply Jyoka's defeat. But when my soul was divided into two, I forgot all about that. And I was sent to the Kingou Islands, traded with a youkai and eventually became one.

_Am I Taikoubou? The son of the Kyou's chief and a member of the royal family of the tribe?__ The doushi who drove the Houshin project on the surface?_

But Taikoubou is another part of me that doesn't know the truth about the Houshin project. I simply drove it because I wanted sendou and Jyoka to stop interfering human's world and history.

_Am I __Outenkun? The devious youkai of the Kingou Islands and also the head of the Juutenkun? The one who drove the Houshin project from the backstage?_

The Outenkun within me also didn't know about the real purpose of the Houshin project. But hell, I didn't even care about any of the fake purposes I knew. The first Outenkun hated Youzen who lived a very better life than mine. The second hated Genshi Tenson who traded me and ruined my life; and Bunchuu too, for he didn't believe in me, and yeah, his true purpose was to kill all including me. And the third, after got the other two souls back beforehand, found the last piece of my soul's puzzle, Taikoubou.

_So w__ho am I? Do I even know?_

Of course I do; silly questions. I am Fukki. I am Ou Eki. I am Taikoubou and I am Outenkun. They all are me, from the start to the end. No wins or loses, and no right or wrong. I was an alien, I was a human, I was a doushi, and I was a youkai. But I _am_?

I am who I am, and I have nothing else to describe myself better than that.

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I apologize for all mistakes I made. Please review and let me know what you think.

-Finished-

---Aku, ya, aku. Tak ada kata yang dapat menggambarkanku lebih baik dari itu.---


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